Here's a bit of tongue in cheek for you, somewhat based on my observations as an Enneagram therapist. (I'm half joking...and half serious.)
Why does each Enneagram type go to therapy?
vs.
What's their actual need for therapy?
(Not sure what your Enneagram type is? Check out these steps!)
Enneagram Type 1
(The Improver)
What they think they need
How to be good or better, because they're frustrated with how they/things are now.
How to get over anger, resentment, and bitterness.
How to deal with anxiety.
What they actually need
How to recognize that what's nonideal/imperfect can still be good & worthy.
How to be more "bad" - messy, imperfect, irresponsible, childish.
How to allow things to be as they are, however they are.
Enneagram Type 2
(The Befriender)
What they think they need
How to improve relationships.
How to help other people.
How to not be so emotional.
What they actually need
How to see that relationships can actually cost them.
How to recognize that their own feelings are their allies.
How to meet some of their own needs themselves, rather than indirectly through other people.
How to learn to be in and enjoy solitude - connect with themselves first and foremost.
Enneagram Type 3
(The Performer)
Often choose coaching over therapy (who has time for feelings??)
What they think they need
How to seem like they have their shit together.
How to deal with their emotions efficiently.
How to "level up" so they can be more effective at what they do.
What they actually need
To slow down and catch up with their own heart.
To see themselves (and others) beyond what they do.
To find out who they actually are & what they actually want.
Enneagram Type 4
(The Individualist)
What they think they need
How to resolve the past that made them who they are today.
How to navigate relationships with people who just don't get them.
How to not self-sabotage their endeavors.
What they actually need
How to not stay stuck in the past (or future) ((or fantasy) but live in the present.
How to recognize that they create/embellish their own suffering.
How to see the good and enoughness in themselves.
Enneagram Type 5
(The Observer)
Often don't show up unless dragged into couples therapy
What they think they need
To not be in therapy because the partner's the one with the problem.
How to "figure out" feelings.
How to deal with the existential dread of feeling like they're running out of time.
What they actually need
How to recognize that they actually have more energy and resources than they think they do.
How to see other people as opportunities to get their needs met, not intruders.
How to live life outside of their head and more in their heart & body.
Enneagram Type 6
(The Questionner)
What they think they need
How to deal with work stress - procrastination, anxiety, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, etc.
How to deal with relationships with close people.
How to not be so stuck.
What they actually need
How to acknowledge just how much fear & anxiety drives them.
How to recognize their own strengths and authority, rather than seeing them in others.
How to rest and relax their mind and body in the present.
Enneagram Type 7
(The Enthusiast)
Often don't show up unless dragged into couples therapy
What they think they need
How to wiggle their way out of therapy ASAP.
How to charm the therapist so they don't have to talk about hard things.
How to maximize fun and enjoyment in life.
What they actually need
How to see that their avoidance of limits itself is what's actually keeping them trapped.
How to see order, routines, and commitments as actually making enjoyment possible.
How to recognize negative feelings actually make life richer.
Enneagram Type 8
(The Challenger)
Often don't show up unless in couples therapy
What they think they need
Nothing. They're fine. Clearly the other person is the problem.
What they actually need
How to see their actual impact on their life, work, and relationships.
How to see their avoidance of weakness/vulnerability is what's creating situations where they're actually powerless (e.g., a breakup).
How to allow themselves to be the one protected and comforted.
Enneagram Type 9
(The Peacemaker)
What they think they need
How to deal with relationship stress.
How to deal with work stress - procrastination, not implementing their goals.
It's too much work to think about myself and what I need. I just don't like what's happening now.
What they actually need
How to reconnect with and befriend their anger as a source of energy.
How to individuate themselves from others instead of merging.
How to take the next right step to identify and push forward their own agendas.
Wanna grow BEYOND the trap of your Enneagram type?
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Don't know your Enneagram type?
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© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.