Judging Yourself: Understandable But Not Helpful
I came across this beautiful quote by Dr. James Rouse that summarizes why it's so important to not judge ourselves for having done what we said we wouldn't do, or not doing what we said we would do:
"We cannot shame ourselves into change, we can only love ourselves into evolution."
Here is a 5-minute video that was such a needed reminder for me this week.
Well-Meaning But Misguided
You have your Enneagram autopilot patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing because this is what you needed to navigate times in your life when you were actually powerless, resourceless, and/or supportless.
The very cage that protected you from the scary, shifting outside world when you were younger actually restricts you and causes suffering when you grow bigger in size. Your body grows up and your abilities expand, but your autopilot survival mode doesn't upgrade accordingly.
Hence it's really important to be gentle with yourself that your Enneagram autopilot is still on - it's trying to help you, but with outdated information.
(Think of an employee who out of fear of being fired keeps creating problems it knows how to solve...If that person has reassurance that they're safe and okay, they might actually direct their attention and energy towards what is actually needed and beneficial and become a fantastic worker.)
Time To Grow Beyond!
If you're feeling like your approach to life just isn't working the same way for you anymore (or that it's actually creating problems), it's time for you to take the next step in taming and peeling back your autopilot (open the doors to that cage) so that you can spread your wings and explore the wondrous skies that you were always meant to enjoy.
Here are some options for next steps:
Learn more about your Enneagram autopilot through these blogs or other resources
Schedule a 1:1 Enneagram coaching session for you chart your next growth steps beyond your type
Join the waitlist for my BFF Melinda Olsen's type-specific growth groups (for 2s and 4s)
Check out one of the Enneagram inner work retreats led by my teachers Beatrice Chestnut & Uranio Paes
Wherever you are in your journey, I am so proud of you and happy that you're here. It's not an easy journey to grow beyond your patterns, but so so worth it.
What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?
Grab this free guide that shows you how to grow beyond the patterns that keep you stuck!
Don't know your Enneagram type?
Find yours here!
© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.