Skittish about Being SEEN or the Center of Attention
I don't know about you, but I grew up with intense self-consciousness and was always squeamish around being seen or noticed, my wardrobe involved all kinds of loose, baggy clothes that were comfortable and functional AF but were really meant to HIDE how I looked.
(SHAME was probably my closest friend growing up.)
With the exception of an RBF (Resting Bitch Face) that has no rival, I spent most of my early life trying to be seen for what I DID (competency, knowledge) instead of how I LOOKED (image, appearance).
Enneagram Type: OVERDOING Some Parts, UNDERDOING Others
Since I discovered that I was an Enneagram 4 with a dominant Self-preservation instinct and repressed Sexual instinct, I realized that I was living out an extreme posture of hunkering down in whatever gave me the sense of security while also cutting off my source of vitality and flow.
(BTW - despite what it's called, the Sexual (SX) instinct isn't only about sex, but rather it's where our creativity, vivaciousness, and expansive energy comes from. In contrast, the Self-Preservation (SP) instinct is usually more guarded, calculated, and steady. Read this if you wanna learn more about the three Enneagram instincts and why they matter for our growth!)
Long story short, what I thought would be in my best interest (to live life in a guarded way) was actually the very thing that was CAUSING problems in my life and relationships.
(Have you ever felt OUT OF CONTROL in a certain area of your life, try to EXERT CONTROL to feel steady, only to find out that you're MORE out of control? That's generally how anxiety is.)
Little did I know that *because* I cut off the source of my power and energy (SX), I was living life more anxious, numb, and reactive than I really needed to at this point in my life.
Enneagram Growth: Returning to Balance
In order for me to become more steady, grounded, and whole, I needed to GROW BEYOND the trap of my Enneagram type by doing the OPPOSITE of what my type is designed to do. One way to do that is to dial back our dominant instinct (SP for me) and nurture our repressed instinct (SX for me).
Instead of continuing to wear things that kept me hidden or blended me into the background, I needed to practice actually DRAWING attention, fostering aspects of myself I used to dismiss as impractical or frivolous.
...through a Wardrobe Revamp & Makeover!
In meeting my bestie Melinda Olsen (Enneagram 2SX), whose type and instinct sequence is the OPPOSITE of me, I've healed a lot of deep wounds and had major breakthroughs.
One specific way she helped me was to help me discover my STYLE (how I show up on the OUTSIDE to match how I am on the INSIDE) through clothes, colors, and body posture.
Here's one example of how my vibe totally changed from before. (Yes, that's a genuine smile, and I feel comfortable + confident as hell!)
Never would I have thought that CLOTHES, HAIR, and MAKE UP would be such an meaningful part of my growth + healing journey...and yet, here we are.
Since my makeover, I've been encouraging my SP-dominant and/or SX-repressed coaching + therapy clients to consider using their wardrobe as a concrete way for them to live out their true selves beyond their Enneagram type.
So here's the cool announcement! *dun dun dun!*
Melinda is offering personal styling using the Enneagram!
If you're someone who:
Needs to up your wardrobe game but are feeling ANXIOUS, CONFUSED, OVERWHELMED, or EMBARRASSED,
Want to tap into and nurture your Sexual instinct so you can experience your wild, creative, vivacious side
Grew up in a repressed or shaming environment (especially as someone who's LGBTQ+ or POC)
...then Melinda's your gal!
