I need a therapist…
Who should I pick?
So you realize it’s about time for you to finally work on yourself and you search “therapist near me” on Google. What pops up? A MILLION sites that stir up more questions than answers.
Technology is HUGE in the Silicon Valley, home to Apple, Google, Facebook, and other tech giants. Everyone is on their devices to connect, partially because their loved ones are in different parts of the state, country, or the world. Fewer and fewer people are actually from San Jose, Sunnyvale, Mountain View, Campbell, etc.
One of the best ways to look for a therapist is through word of mouth referrals. But how do you do that if you’re a transplant from elsewhere, without a home base of personal connections to point you the right way?
Out of the hundreds of therapists that are in San Jose alone, how do you know whether this website or that Psychology Today profile is leading you to the right counselor who can help you heal and grow? When you look at a lot of Psychology Today profiles, a ton of them all start to sound the same (how many therapists say that they’re “warm” and “create a safe space”?).
I want to help you find the right therapist in the South Bay.
Here are some questions to help you find the right therapy fit for you.
On a piece of paper, write a list of:
(1) Topic
What are 3-5 topics that you need help with (in noun form)?
E.g., anxiety, relationship, trauma, shame, anger
(2) Therapist’s Demographics
What do you absolutely need for the therapist to be? What do you prefer?
Gender, Identity
Race/Ethnicity
Age Range
Religious Background
Life Experiences (e.g., is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), is LGBTQ+, went through their own church trauma)
(3) Schedule
If you were to do regular weekly sessions at a consistent time, what would be your availability?
Generally, regular weekly sessions would provide the optimal rhythm for people to sort through recent events and address underlying dynamics that may be contributing to stressors. When sessions are infrequent and there is too much time between sessions, the subsequent sessions may become more of a summary of what’s happened since last time rather than actually changing unhelpful patterns.
(4) Budget
If you were to do regular weekly sessions, what would your budget allow?
Be prepared to be in therapy weekly for at least 6 months to get good momentum. This is better than you doing all this work to look for a therapist and to start therapy, to then find out that you can’t afford to continue it. That’s a very expensive decision, for not a lot of gain!
Wanting to see if you could use your insurance for therapy sessions? All three options are valid ways to provide for your therapy. Find the right financial fit for you!
In San Jose, the fee may range from $25-$300 per single 50-minute therapy session, depending on experience and specialty.
*A note about insurance: There are benefits and disadvantages to working with a therapist who’s in your insurance network (watch the video for more info). Check for Out-of-Network (OON) coverage, since that allows you to have much more say and many more options that would be suited for you.
(5) Therapist’s Level of Training
For Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) in California, there are three levels of training:
MFT Trainees - Therapists who are currently in their MFT graduate program
MFT Associates - Therapists who graduated and are currently accumulating experience
Licensed MFTs - Therapists who have completed their experience and have passed their licensing exams
Generally, the more trained a therapist is, the higher their fees may be. To be clear, a licensed therapist isn’t inherently better than a prelicensed therapist. What’s more important than your therapist’s level of experience is whether they are a right fit for you!
However, therapists who are more experienced may be more likely to be trained in certain specialized modalities (like Brainspotting for trauma) or areas of focus (Emotional Abuse & Neglect) that may save clients time, energy, and money in the long run less sessions might be needed to address what’s happening.
Better to work with a “more expensive” specialist therapist who’s really good at meeting your needs than to work with a “cheaper” generalist therapist with whom you might wander around for a while.
(6) Therapy Modality
Do you have a preferred approach for your therapist to be trained in - for example, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Brainspotting, EMDR, Attachment, or Enneagram? (If you don’t know what this means, no problem!)
(7) Location
This is less of an issue during COVID-19 because of virtual/video sessions (AKA telehealth), but if you’re hoping to work with a therapist long-term (8+ months), consider who’s in your immediate area. The more specific your needs, the wider of a net you may need to cast.
Once you’ve jotted down this list, here are three ways to find the right therapist.
Option 1: WORD OF MOUTH REFERRAL
Ask a friend, family member, or acquaintance for a referral. Share the list of factors you’d like in a therapist and see if they know someone (or if they know someone who knows someone). Word of mouth referral helps narrow down the option because other people who know you are also filtering down the long list for you.
*If they REALLY love and recommend a therapist, do ask why! A GREAT therapist for one person might be a MEH fit for someone else, and an AWFUL fit for yet another person. If you don’t jive with their answer, say thank you, and move on to Option 2.
Option 2: Google it!
Type into Google the answer for your list of 3-5 topics. If you know what level of experience you’d prefer in a therapist, include that too. You may have to do some digging, but your list will help you sort through them much more quickly rather than going into the search blind.
Option 3: Therapist Directories
Psychology Today and TherapyDen are therapist directories that have a filter feature for you to check off according to your list answers. Not every therapist is on there, but this may simplify the process.
The downside of using directories is that therapists usually have limited space for describing themselves, so a lot of them might end up sounding the same.
If you want to know how to prepare for your initial consultation calls, read this blog.
Need help finding the right fit?
Every therapist is different and has their own way of doing therapy.
For example, I am a Korean American, 30-something, Christianese-fluent HSP female therapist who uses the Enneagram (which reveals people’s reactive patterns) and Brainspotting (which soothes emotional reactivity) to help those who are exhausted by anxiety, guilt, and shame create vibrant relationships where they matter, too.
If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed in looking for a great therapist, give me a call! As someone who’s well-networked in the San Jose and Silicon Valley area, I can offer referrals to point you in the right direction.
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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.