My therapist colleague Melinda Olsen (Inviterra Counseling) and I are writing several blog series about the Enneagram, a comprehensive yet compact personality framework that reveals our reactive, “autopilot” patterns of thinking, feeling, doing, and relating.
In this series, someone from each Enneagram Type (Types One through Nine) will be sharing about their own journey of discovering and using the Enneagram for deep healing and personal growth.
In this post, Marianna Torres, shares what it’s like to be an Enneagram Type Eight. Marianna is a person who has worked extremely hard to overcome adversity and find self worth! She is proud of the work done to get this far. Marianna is gay, a latina, a veteran, a police woman, a mother, a friend, a mentor, a daughter, and a lifetime seeker of spiritual, and emotional growth.
Here are the other posts in this series that are published so far:
Type 1 - Josh Chan
Type 2 - Melinda Olsen, LMFT
Type 3 - Morgan Hancock, LMFT
Type 4 - Joanne Kim, LMFT
Type 5 - Alyssa Harris
Type 6 - Jonathan Siu
Type 7 - Stefie Dominguez
Type 9 - Lorren Siu, LMFT
What is it like to be an Enneagram Type 8?
Being an Eight feels a bit like a blessing and a curse, depending on how healthy I’m feeling emotionally. When I’m at my best, I can be positive, loyal, generous, and supportive. On the other hand, when I’m not operating at my best, I can quickly turn arrogant, demanding and rigid.
In my professional life, being an Eight is what makes me very effective at my job in law enforcement. In my close intimate relationships, Type Eight is not so great (at least in my experience).
What I love most about being an Eight is that I have a soft side and hard side. I have the ability to take charge and assert myself when I need to, yet be tender and loving. I believe this is the ultimate superpower of being an Eight!
When Did You Realize You Were Ennegram Type Eight?
I was newly married and became a step-mother to five children when I turned 41 years old. I quickly realized that I had stepped into one of the greatest challenges of my life! Nothing could have prepared me for what lay ahead.
My marriage started to fall apart shortly after the wedding and my relationship problems became more evident as time passed. I had done years of 12 step recovery work, talk therapy, EMDR, and read countless self help books, but I still felt completely lost with who I was at my core.
In early 2021, I decided to explore myself in a way that I never had before.
Intuitively, I booked a solo trip to Sedona, Arizona and enrolled in a three-day holistic retreat that I found on an internet search. Thankfully I had total faith that my retreat was going to be exactly what I needed.
My very first session was with a founding member of the Arizona Enneagram Association. This lovely woman helped me to understand myself on a much deeper level and introduced me to my Eight’ness.
What do you wish people knew about Enneagram Type Eights?
I wish people knew how to understand my assertive nature and to not take it like a personal attack. I want people to know just how incredibly soft and gentle Eights are on the inside. Eights are strong but they definitely need a soft place to land after they’ve been holding it together all day.
One thing you’re working on to grow beyond your Type
I am continuously reminding myself to lead with my heart first. I am working towards being more open and vulnerable with other people and becoming more gentle. This doesn’t come easy to this 8 but I’m proud of the strides I’m making.
What are the emotional habits of your Enneagram type?
Grab this free guide that highlights the patterns that keep you stuck and the next steps to grow beyond your type!
Don't know your Enneagram type? Find yours here!
© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.