Heya,

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I shared about how my feelings about my birthday changed over time.

In a similar way, so have my sentiments towards all things related to REST - relaxation, stillness, vacation, play.

One of the reasons was because I have an allergic reaction to JOY. (Mine is very Enneagram 4ish, but other types have their own versions. I also hear a ton from Enneagram 1s or those who have a dominant Self-preservation instinct as to why joy is difficult for them.)

When good, fun things come up, I would feel FEAR instead, accompanied by lotsa anxious thoughts:

• "What if something bad happens while I'm having a good time?"

• "What if I have such a great time and then it ends? Will I be okay?"

• "What if it'll turn out disappointing?"

...or SHAME:

• "I haven't done enough to deserve a vacation."

• "There's so much to do, and not enough time or money."

• "I feel bad for leaving the people I'm taking care of."

As such, rest (and even play!) are LEARNED SKILLS, not something that comes readily to me.

So how did I go from rarely resting to now having regular vacations multiple times a year?

Nowadays, there are 6 weeks off that are just built into my calendar:

• my birthday week

• my anniversary week 

• holidays 

• a buncha mini vacays sprinkled in between...just because.

(The less often you take time off, the more you're FORCED to take time off because you get sick, burned out, can't focus, etc. It also takes longer time for you to decompress and get into rest mode - some might even spend half their vacation time just catching up on sleep.

The more often you take a break, the more readily you can drop into rejuvenation mode. Taking many shorter breaks throughout the year is better than taking a single extended time off!) 

(From my time in Taiwan! So rejuvenating being in luscious nature... 🌿)

Here are some things that helped me practice regular rest & play on purpose:

(1) Realizing that I have Ruinous Empathy 

When I overextend myself in caring for others out of guilt or shame but to the point of burnout or resentment.

Those who should pay close attention to Ruinous Empathy include:

• Enneagram 9

• Enneagram 1

• Enneagram 2

• Enneagram 4 (Self-preservation)

• Enneagram 7 (Social)

• Enneagram 8 (social)

(2) Inverted Golden Rule 

I ought to do unto myself as I would do unto others (if I encourage others to take breaks, so should I).

I should not make myself the exception to the rule as my Enneagram 4 autopilot wants me to.

Those who are Enneagram 2s should watch out for their pride playing out by living as if you don't/shouldn't have needs.

(3) Practicing childlikeness to counter shame 

If a helpless baby - who's super unproductive and contributes nothing to the world but literal poop - is deserving of goodness, fun, and joy, why wouldn't I?

Those who tend to be "extra serious/grown up" or tries to prove their worth by DOING include:

• Competency types - Enneagram 1, 3, 5

• Reactive (negative) types - Enneagram 4, 6, 8

• Types who have a hard time letting go of control - Enneagram 1, 6, 8

• "Adult", responsible types - Enneagram 1, 2, 6

• Idealist types who live in the SHOULDs/COULD HAVEs - Enneagram 1, 4

(4) Following nature's footsteps 

If seasons of inactivity and seasons of activity go hand-in-hand (one not lesser or greater than the other), what would it look like in my life to integrate both?

What if there's MORE to life than just what my Enneagram type tells me? What biases am I reinforcing? What's in my blind spot?

It took me quite some time to get to where I am now regarding rest, so if a 6-weeks-off-per-year approach seems out of reach for you because of responsibilities or resources - no problem.

The important thing is that you begin moving more in that direction little by little STARTING TODAY.

Some questions for you:

• What's your relationship with taking time off? Do you have any emotional reactions to the topic of rest?

• How does your Enneagram type feed into this? What themes might be playing into this?

• How can you take one small step towards building in more rejuvenation time into your calendar?