Who are HSPs?

I don’t know about you, but I have been told many, many times that I am just too damn sensitive because my mood changes very often, or I notice the slightest changes in lighting or notice lint on the ground, and I can’t “just get over it.” So I’m here to talk about the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait, and I’ll describe the four main distinctive features of the HSP.

HSPs comprise 20% of the population. That’s a BIG amount of people. It’s not a diagnosis, and it’s not a problem. But a lot of the challenges that HSPs like myself face is that technically, we’re in the minority. We’re the minority in a country and a context that’s not very kind to minorities, so often HSPs feel very misunderstood. They feel judged and shamed because they don’t fit the mold for what the rest of the population tends to experience just fine.

D-O-E-S: The 4 Traits of HSPs

The acronym D-O-E-S, these four letters correspond with the traits that distinguish HSPs from non-HSPs. So they are:

• D is for DEPTH of processing.

• O is for OVERSTIMULATION

• E is for EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY and EMPATHY

• S is for SENSITIVITY to subtle stimuli

D - DEPTH of Processing

HSPs tend to take in a lot more quality and quantity of information from the world around them. Imagine a person being a blu-ray imaging in a DVD world. Compared to the vast majority of the population, HSPs take in far more stimuli like what’s happening, sensory information, emotional information.

Not only do they take in a lot more quality and quantity of data, but they also run that through a very fine sieve internally. They are very deliberate, very thoughtful, very reflective and it takes a while. Usually, you can’t just throw information at them; HSPs usually need some time away to process and digest everything. They’re not as speedy as some of the rest of y’all might want HSPs to be.

O is for OVERSTIMULATION

Due to Depth of Processing, HSPs often get OVERSTIMULATED. Because of all the stimuli that’s taken in from the outside and all the churning that’s happening on the inside, HSPs get overwhelmed very easily. As a result, the nervous system tends to shut down more, causing HPSs to overwhelm easily. Their minds get very fogged, their eyes glaze over, they are very frazzled and irritable. This happens not necessarily because they are angry, but they are trying to take in and digest all the stuff their bodies have absorbed from around them.

To deal with this, HSPs may need to have some dedicated time in very low-stimuli environments—silence, solitude, and stillness. They need to get away from all the noise and all the people. For myself, after a long day, I need to take a good 10-15 minutes with the lights off, in my room, by myself, under a weighted blanket. It helps my body come back online. So if HSPs withdraw, it might not necessarily be because they don’t want to talk to you, it might be because they are overwhelmed.

E is for EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY and EMPATHY

I mentioned HSPs take in a lot of outside information. Part of that information is around EMOTIONS. Because they notice subtleties in facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language, they’re able to pick up on the emotional cues of other people. This is not something they do on purpose. It’s very reflexive; it happens without them knowing it. But because they are attuned to the emotional feelings of other people, they might feel feelings about other people’s emotions, not just because they might sense some of the pain they are experiencing, but because if they see an angry or grumpy expression in someone else, their own nervous system starts responding accordingly.

Not only that, HSPs tend to be very reflective internally, so they can even notice the nuances in their own emotional experiences. Sometimes HSPs can have feelings about their own feelings, so they may find themselves in an emotional feedback loop. They start looking internally, and the more they focus on the different nuances of emotions, they build up like a snowball. All this focus on the details starts amplifying themselves, which is why HSPs are often seen as being very sensitive or very emotional.

S is for SENSITIVITY to Subtle Stimuli

If you think about the 5 senses—sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing—HSPs pick up on those really readily. This is a great thing in some instances, like they are very good with the arts or aesthetics because they have a dedicated focus on making sure things are in good harmony or aligned well. This can also backfire, like noticing the scratchy tags on the back of the shirt or being really bothered that a particular picture frame is out of alignment, etc. The sensitivity can be a double-edged sword.

Resources for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Remember the 4 traits that distinguish HSPs from non-HSPs, D-O-E-S (Depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional reactivity and empathy, and sensitivity to subtle stimuli). If all these 4 things (to varying degrees) resonate with you, there’s a good chance you might be a Highly Sensitive Person. Again, this is not a diagnosis. And HSPs are also different from each other, so you’ll resonate with these things on a spectrum.

The reason it’s important for people to know whether or not they are HSPs is because the things that the rest of the world needs for themselves as non-HSPs don’t always apply to HSPs. Being an HSP in a non-HSP-dominant environment presents some very difficult circumstances. I live in the Silicon Valley in the United States, and there is a high emphasis on being the best or having things be bigger, better, louder, faster. Those are values that don’t often align with the HSP trait. So, if that same person were to live in Japan or another country that is very HSP-friendly, those people will be celebrated, whereas, in this environment, they might have a really hard time.

Find out what your specific needs are because they MATTER. It’s just because they are often misunderstood, it may take a little bit longer for you. If you’re interested in HSPs, you can check out my resource page for HSPs or pick up a copy of the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine Aron, which is a fantastic resource. She also wrote some books that specifically serve HSP children and being in love as an HSP or with an HSP.

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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.

JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT

Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.

Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect

The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:

“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”

“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”